Eridanus' Poustinia

Profundity Abounds

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Before I get on FB
Blessings all!

For awhile now, I've been ignoring something that most people have seen. I've been in a slight level depression. I'm taking some pills, but, I've been a little lower for a while. I'm thankful I've had the drugs has it took the deeper bad edges off. Which allowed me to ignore it.

Usually, good changes for me happen in spectacular times. Unexpected, unwanted, and unconvenient. I stopped updating my website and FaceBook page a long while ago. Then, I rarely wrote in LJ. So, changes were coming. I chose to ignore the signals, too.

Ignorance can be bliss... Till it blows sky high... On all levels and planes...

I am coming back to myself. It's a changed self. I like it a bit better. Not fully unfolded yet. And more changes to come. Hopefully, conscious, wanted, needed, spiritually unfolding changes. And a little less spectacular than shut down-ignition-explosion-result-understanding.

GOD/DESS/ES! May that be so!!!

The above explains why I'm no longer at Blue Lotus Treasures, the stress, the physical body things, the move to a new apartment... and so much more I can't bring to mind at midnight.

I have been in a another steep learning curve, or is it the same one? Whatever it is, I'm realizing it again.

The Hekatae would like to insert in here NOW: It's a gradient, people!!! Get over yourselves!!!

I needed my new poustinia. Did I want it at this time? No. Do I think I can keep up with it? No. Will I? As best I can. I need it because we'll need it. It will be a beacon of hope, a safe place, as the wheels turn.

I needed to change. The patterns were no longer fulfilling what was needed.

I must get back to being the spiritual intuitive, the Tarot consultant, the coven member, the hidden elder for others seeking, the High Priest. I must fuse the magickal persona back within me. I must me. More me.

Gratitude. Acceptance. Understanding. Discerning.

Teaching. Leading. Holding the Lamp as the Hermit does.

I needed the open mics that adam has brought me to. He thought it was to support him. It is much more! I didn't realize how much I missed live art. The sharing! One of the hosts called it: 'Throwing your soul on the floor, in front of everyone, and showing the insides.' In the number of times I have been a witness to these expressions, I feel the pull to share my own stories, my family adventures, my life as a transplanted suburban Chicago, white boy. Soon, very soon.

I pray I will be able to share my spirituality to others who need to see there is no perfection, no one right way, no one director. It is what is. It's perfect in the moment. Plan for a better tomorrow. See what happens. See yourself. Understand who you are, rather than what they told/taught/forced you to be. Be you. And know you are perfect whoever/whatever/whenever/wherever/however you are. Right this moment! This is your strength! Hang on to it. We all need it! Now... and in the future... soon...

I need the scrying bowl The Hekatae have shown me in my dreams. Perhaps by physical manifestation, I can manifest the spiritual messages I have been unable to put into inadequate wordages.

I feel I have returned to myself. I hope I remember to be here. To ruminate, to share, to support, to be present. As I put me back to becoming, more of me will be here now/present.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being my friend/family/part of me. I give thanks!

Bless you!

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May the changes be what you want/need them to be!

I have a feeling they will be what they will be. Want/Need doesn't enter into it. Unless I don't want to be what the Universe brought me into being to be.

Reading you reminded me of Inana's descent. She keeps having to discard what seems to be her identity but in the end she emerges whole and her real self.
So may it be for you!

You are always in my asking.

I knew you were depressed. Have you ever read the book "The Secret Strength of Depression"? been around since the 70's. Still a good book about the disease. Remember it is a brain disease, and needs treatment. I have major depression and have been treated for it for a long time. I know about those times when the meds poop out. Yes, and you thought my sunny cheery personality was all me.......

I always tell people a good day is when you get out of bed (you care to get up), you make your bed (Order out of chaos), and make yourself a cup of tea, coffee, whatever.. you care enough about yourself to live.

Hekate and I had a conversation last July complete with descent etc. I am still reeling from the whole thing. She inthe Roman sense is still there with the brain injury.

Depression can be a side effect of some medications. Your doctors were trying lots of different things. Do you have someone who is aware of all your medications and the LEVEL of dosage of each? And the potential for reactions to the combinations of those medications? It might be a good idea to check on just what kind of chemical soup you are feeding your body.

I read. I think of you. As a wise man says, "It is what it is." *hug*

***Hugs*** I am glad you have returned! You know..... you CAN always call me.....

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